6 Mealtime Questions to Avoid Asking Your Child (and What to Say Instead)

Look familiar? Sometimes our best intentions—like asking, “Can you just take one bite?”—can feel like pressure to a cautious eater, and is met with more resistance.

If you've ever found yourself asking your child things like, “Do you want to try it?” or “Why aren’t you eating?” you’re definitely not alone. These questions come from a place of love and concern. We want our kids to eat well, grow well, and enjoy food!

But here’s the twist: some of the most common questions we ask at the table can actually create pressure, trigger resistance, or reinforce picky eating behaviors.

Let's explore six common mealtime questions that might be doing more harm than good, and discuss alternative approaches to foster a positive eating environment.

1. “What do you want to eat?”

Why it might backfire: When asked what they want to eat, a child is always going to request their favorite foods. Children don’t know yet what foods they need to be healthy, and they shouldn’t, they’re just children! In reality, it is the parent’s responsibility to serve well balanced meals with at least 1 food their child typically eats (see my post on the Division of Responsibilities). Asking this question can lead to power struggles and constant requests for preferred foods, because the child now believes that they are the one that’s in control of choosing what’s on the menu.

Try this instead: Serve well balanced meals and snacks, including one protein, one fruit/vegetable, and one carbohydrate, with at least one of the foods being preferred (a food your child typically eats). As the parent, it is your responsibility to choose the foods and help teach balanced eating. We teach this not by telling children, “You have to eat your vegetables because they’re healthy for you,” but by both serving these foods and providing opportunities for them to eat them, as well as by modeling eating them, by eating with our children.

2. “Do you like it?”

Why it might backfire: Many children will say "no" automatically, especially with new foods. It puts pressure on them to have an opinion before they’ve had a chance to explore. Many children need to taste a food 10+ times before they are able to develop a true opinion on if they like it, and it can take children with feeding problems exponentially more times. Additionally, know that many facial expressions and even spitting a food out does not necessarily mean they didn’t like it, it could just be a sensory reaction.

Try this instead: Use descriptive language to talk about the food's sensory properties, such as color, texture, or taste. For example, "This blueberry is juicy and sweet," or “Wow you made a big crunch!” This encourages further exploration of the food, rather than them shutting down if their first taste didn’t have an overwhelmingly positive reaction.

3. “Do you want to try [food]?”

Why it might backfire: When given the option, children often say no.

Try this instead: Place a small portion of the new food on their plate without making a big deal about it. Model curiosity by saying something like, "I'm going to taste this broccoli—it's so green and crunchy!" Serve non-preferred foods alongside preferred foods to help your child feel comfortable (if there are only non-preferred foods offered, they are likely to shut down).

4. “Do you want [food] on your plate?”

Why it might backfire: Again, most children will say no. Allowing children to opt out of having certain foods on their plate can limit exposure to new foods, which is essential for developing acceptance over time.

Try this instead: Include a small, manageable portion of the new food on their plate alongside familiar favorites. Exposure without pressure helps build familiarity and reduces anxiety around new foods.

Mealtimes are about more than just what’s on the plate—they’re about connection, shared experiences, and a pressure-free environment for little eaters.

5. “Why aren’t you eating your [food]?”

Why it might backfire: This puts kids on the spot and can make them feel self-conscious and defensive. It also shifts the focus from trusting their body’s cues to performance.

Try this instead: Keep the atmosphere positive and pressure-free. You might say, "It's okay if you're not hungry for that right now," and continue the meal without drawing attention to their eating behavior. You can also model exploring or eating the food you see them ignoring to see if it helps pique their interest, without any expectations.

6. “Can you just try it?”

Why it might backfire: Even gentle prompts can feel like pressure to a toddler, leading to resistance and negative associations with the food.

Try this instead: Model tasting the food yourself and describe it while expressing genuine enjoyment. For example, "Mmm, this soup is warm and cozy, I can slurp it." Your enthusiasm can pique their interest without direct prompting.

Final Thoughts:

Creating a positive mealtime environment is all about reducing pressure and encouraging exploration. By adjusting the way we talk about food and responding to our child' cues with empathy and patience, we can help them develop healthy eating habits that last a lifetime.

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This website and information on this blog post is provided for educational purposes only. It is not meant as medical advice, intended to replace a speech-language or feeding assessment, therapy from a speech-language pathologist, or serve as medical or nutritional care for a child. It is recommended that you discuss any concerns or questions you might have with your Speech-Language Pathologist, pediatrician, and medical team, and develop an individualized team plan specifically for your child.